is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
