if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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