When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
