Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize