The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
