Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
