guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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