I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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