Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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