I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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