yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
