Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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