just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
