I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
