Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
