Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
