Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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