For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
