I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
