Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I need a beard to bite.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
