Dual....:-)
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
