ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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