so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
