Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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