Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize