I wish I could teleport
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I am puke
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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