Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
