Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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