I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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