I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
