Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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