He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
