rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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