Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
