I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
