A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
