lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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