I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
