8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
