just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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