I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
