she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
