let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
