I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just invented taco cereal.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Who died my cat blue again?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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