I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
