just tell him i said nine months
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize