I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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