I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
