When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
