yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
