Dude my mom stole all your condoms
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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