Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize