Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also, beer. Big fan.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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