So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize