beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
