He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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