I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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