i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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