all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
