If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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