Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
