Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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