Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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