I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
