So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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