It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
