Ketchup is God's man juice
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
