Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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