Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
