Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
